Plus: The Three Gayest Moments on 'Idol' This Week (And They Are ALL About Chris)
Last night was men's night on 'American Idol.' It will be for the rest of this season when Katharine is eliminated this evening and checks into the Heartbreak Hotel. That's my prediction.
As the godfather of American pop music, Elvis would have loved last night's show. Elvis' fans were the most fanatical in history, and they are the bedrock that today's text-messaging 'Idol' fans are built on.
For the most part, the contestants handled Presley's material very well. Elvis has such a vast catalogue that every singer could find a song that played to his or her strengths.
Here's my quick take on what happened:
Katharine: I have been a big fan all season, but she's kind of losing it as the competition gets tighter and fiercer. I think she's lacking confidence, not to mention her heretofore great fashion sense. That dress did her a disservice. She forgot lyrics, and Simon hung her out to dry when he said her first number sounded like a "desperate, manic audition." Her second attempt, 'Can't Help Falling in Love,' was the worst song of the night.
Katharine has a great voice, but she needs singing lessons. I'm serious. She can improve on her great talent, but not in time to win 'Idol.' She IS gorgeous, but if 'American Idol' is a talent show and not a beauty contest, which some of my readers stupidly accuse me of confusing (as the GAYEST editor ever, believe me, I know the difference), then she should be voted off tonight.
Taylor: Good but boring. As previously stated by me and affirmed by my pals at The Malcontent, Taylor is completely spastic. The spaz thing almost, but not quite, worked for 'Jailhouse Rock.' He'll advance to next week, however.
Elliott: He is still the man. He is, as I've said, the underdog who will surprise everyone and be one of two finalists. His version of 'If I Can Dream' revealed emotion and depth that melted my heart, and yours too, I bet, unless you don't have one. Tommy Mottola said Elliott "is real." Simon said his first song was the best performance of the night, and called his second number, 'Trouble,' the "best performance ever." Enough said.
Chris: He did well. That's all I have to say about his singing, because
Chris OWNS all three of my Gayest 'Idol' Moments this Week. Here's why:
Chris, the hunky, totally straight stud-muffin from North Carolina, is transforming into a metrosexual right before our very eyes. This is awesome. As a gay man, it makes me proud to see that our cultural influence reaches even to a married, wallet-chain wearing rocker from the Carolinas.
Check out Chris' gay moments, then you tell me.
1.The sunglasses. Chris, you spent like $300 on those. Are they Prada? Gucci? A gift from a fan?
2. Manscaping. Chris, Chris. You clipped your chest hair. Don't think I don't notice these things. That is so ... gay ... and I mean that in a loving, positive-reinforcement way. Some athletes aside, straight guys don't shave their chests. Metrosexuals do, however. I'm glad you didn't shave your chest totally smooth. That's just wrong.
3. Boxer briefs. Chris, Chris, Chris. Thank you for assuring our suspicious minds that yes, you're a boxer brief man. Are you aware that WITHIN MINUTES of you announcing what was under your jeans, your name was added to the boxer brief entry on Wikipedia, forever linking you to these comfy underpants?
I'd like to know what brand you wear. If you're looking for something befitting an 'American Idol,' can I suggest a pair of these star-laden boxer briefs by my No. 1 favorite underwear maker, Ginch Gonch? Click here to buy them.
Chris, I wear boxer briefs, too. Could we hang out?
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Postscript: May 11, 12:30 AM ET
Shocker -- Chris Booted Off!
Did Anyone on the Planet Predict Tonight's Outcome?
Gasps rang out in the diner where I watched Ryan Seacrest deliver the news, "Chris, you're going home." Blogger Malcontent, always on top of these things, captured the moment on video: No one seemed more stunned than Chris himself.
My take? This could actually be good for Chris' career. He wants to rock the house. That's not what 'Idol' is about. 'Idol' is about pop, something Chris struggled with all season. Chris can now leverage his newfound fame, immense fan base and music industry contacts -- and have the career he really wants.
Postscript: May 12:
Don't think that looks and fashion factor into 'Idol'? Think again. Fashion editor Robin Givhan goes off on the vanilla factor at 'Idol'.
We Get the Idols We Deserve (Washington Post, Free Registration Required)
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