Editor's Note: Reading this may or may not make you blind.
On
August 5, whole bunches of people will gather in a hall in London and
go to town doing the wango tango. I'm talking about spanking the monkey
and petting the petunia. Yes, I'm talking about
m-a-s-t-u-r-b-a-t-i-o-n.
I've always said there are two kinds
of people: Those who masturbate and those who lie. Now, the
aforementioned group and their lying friends are invited to participate
in the Masturbate-a-Thon.
This is a real event, I'm not making it up. It's an eight-hour
self-love-a-thon which "seeks to raise awareness of, and dispel the
shame and taboos that persist around, this most commonplace, natural
and safe form of sexual activity."
The event was originallly conceived by the Center for Sex and
Culture in San Francisco, which produced the first public event six
years ago, and another earlier this year.
Like its American
inspiration did, the UK event will raise money for charity. People
will seek donations from their friends -- and co-workers and family, of
course -- to sponsor them for each minute that they you-know-what.
Funds raised will be donated to two organizations in the U.K. that work
in sexual and reproductive health, and HIV/AIDS.
This might be
the most fun charity work one could ever imagine -- helping
others while doing something that also benefits oneself.
People
can choose to be in rooms that are all women, all men or mixed.
Touching others is basically not allowed. Each participant is assigned
a monitor who, organizers say, are not voyeurs and
are embarrassed by nothing. I guess it could go without
saying that little to nothing can embarrass the self-love-lovin'
participants either.
Participants can elect to be considered
for the prize for most orgasms. How exactly does one judge women here?
If I knew, I might be disqualified as the editor of this blog. But it
is my understanding that straight guys can't always tell either. Do
women know when other women are faking? (Note: I asked one of my
resident lesbian experts who feigned that SHE can always tell but
agreed to pose the question to a huge tribe of women here).
One
other fun fact: A documentary is being made of the event (and the
organizing leading up to it) -- and it will be shown on British
television. Channel 4 editor Andrew MacKenzie said that the film is in
keeping with their "provocative and mischievous" programming in the
same vein as their 'Penis Week.'
Is it just me, or does
British TV sound way more fun than ours? Given the choice between
watching their 'Penis Week' or our 'Shark Week,' I'd say we're getting
the short end of the stick on this side of the pond. And no, 'Big
Brother' does not count as a 'Penis Week.'
I never did buy the warning that "every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten." I'm more of the school of that Luther Ingram mega hit, "If Loving Me Is Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right.' Or something like that.
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