Friday, 5 January 2007
Thursday, 4 January 2007
The Ten Most Common Ways Unmarried People Introduce Their Partners
(And if you're
hugely homosexual, what's wrong with each and every one of
them.)
An
article came out a couple of weeks ago about the confusion setting in amongst
gays in New Jersey. For
those people taking advantage of the legalization of civil unions, the issue of
what to call the person with whom you, er, unionize has come to the fore.
What do you call your co-civil-union person? Hi, this is my
"union member"? That's so Teamsters.
Married, unionized or not, gays are still figuring out what to call their person-to-contact-in-case-of-emergency. It fascinates me.
Starting with the first serious relationship I had, I've always used the word
"husband" when referring to my man. I'm talking back in the 70s, way before the
gay marriage debate and civil unions and domestic partner registries. It's just
what felt natural, and it still does even though I'm not legally married and
don't have any particular plans to be anytime soon.
I hate
the word "partner" and very rarely use it, though my husband always says
"partner" and never once in 18 years has he referred to me as his husband. Today I
asked him why and he said, "It makes me feel like I am communicating that
I am the wife, which I am not." OK, then.
The fact
is, as gays we just do not have a good, universal term for referencing the
person with whom we share our life, and I'll prove it with this list from the
Alternative to Marriage Project. They researched the most commonly used terms for how
unmarried people introduce their "special friends."
I've
annotated their list of terms with my own commentary on the pros and cons for
each: 1. Partner
Pros: It's a safe word (think
"stop" in sadomasochism) and uber-respectable. No one will think you're one of
those radical gays who marches in the streets.
Cons: It says "we're
together" without giving any inkling that you two actually have sex. People may inquire how long you two
have been in business and how many employees you have.
2.
Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Pros: It screams youth and says you don't take
yourself too seriously.
Cons: It screams youth and says you don't take
yourself too seriously.
3. Significant Other (or
S.O.)
Pros: It's coy and tries to be complimentary (even though it
isn't).
Cons: Demeans your loved one immensely with two totally boring
words. It also makes you sound like a SciFi geek who watches too many 'X
Files' reruns.
4. The Person's Name Without a Descriptive Word
Pros: Shows you as the humanist you are, eschewing all labels. Keeps
your options open in case you want to make a pass later at the person to whom
you're introducing the unlabeled person who happens to be standing next to you
(as he/she has for 10 years, but no one really needs to know
that).
Cons: People will pity you and wonder why you can't find a
boyfriend/girlfriend.
5. Friend
Pros: Makes you seem
really, really nice.
Cons: Do you nag, belittle and berate your friends
the way you do your spouse? This word makes you look like a real ass when others witness
you treating your "friend" that way. (The baby talk doesn't help either.)
Idiot!
6. Husband/Wife
Pros: Shows you as someone
not afraid to own the word that society accepts as the only real term for people
who are truly married.
Cons: Buys into the patriarchy, reveals your
status as a top or bottom and, let's face it, if you say "husband" and you're not REALLY married in
this day and age you seem like a big fat liar.
7. Roommate or
House Mate
Pros: None, other than the house is probably in your name and your significant other is paying you rent.
Cons: Traditionally a term used by
people who are closeted. And sex with your house mate? Ewwww.
8. Lover
Pros: Gives you an air of adventure and
shows you to be the passionate romantic you really are.
Cons: Reeks of
1975 (aka "the good old days"). Some see it as noncommittal, flighty or attached
to fleeting love.
9. Spouse
Pros: It says you're
defiant, but not as needy/pushy as people who say "husband/wife."
Cons: It's the term commonly used on retraining orders.
10. Sweetie or Sweetheart
Pros: Establishes you as
someone who never forgets Valentine's Day.
Cons: Makes you sound like
a major wuss.
Of these standards, I still
like "husband." I like "boyfriend," and the occasional "lover" is fun to toss
in at a dinner party (it's even hotter to say "my homosexual lover.") But
do we need a whole new word? And if so what is it?
Talking
with the boys at my faithful Duplex Diner last
night, a couple I queried turned me on to "manpanion." One half of that couple
proudly shared that he usually introduces his special guy-friend of 10 years as
his "wife." I love both "manpanion" and "wife" (for a guy) since they're both
designed to screw with the norm.
I could get real whack and
introduce my husband with playful things like, "this is 'Hot & Hung from
Lauderdale,'" or "this is the screamer I was telling you about," but I'm not
sure those would take off in any measurable way.
So, I'll
stick with "husband" for now, but I'd love to know what term you use and/or
suggestions for the perfect way to introduce your
person-whose-morning-breath-smells-like-a-warm-banana-muffin.
Wednesday, 3 January 2007
British Military Recruiting Gays
Britain's
Royal Air Force is looking for a few good
gays. Yes, not only do our
British counterparts allow gays to serve, they're now launching a major
advertising campaign to recruit gay men and lesbians to their ranks. And if
those people have partners, they can bring them along to live on base in married
servicemembers' quarters.
Meanwhile, at least one former
high-ranking U.S. military man is speaking out about this country's Don't Ask,
Don't Tell policy barring openly-gay servicemembers in the U.S. military. Former
chairman of the Joint Chiefs of staff John M. Shalikashvili wrote in a New York
Times op-ed yesterday that while he still believes Don't Ask was appropriate
when it was established in 1993, he now thinks we're in a new era of acceptance
where gays and straights could serve side-by-side:
"Last year I held a number of meetings with gay soldiers and marines, including some with combat experience in Iraq, and an openly gay senior sailor who was serving effectively as a member of a nuclear submarine crew. These conversations showed me just how much the military has changed, and that gays and lesbians can be accepted by their peers." (Read the whole op-ed here.)
Democrats plan to re-introduce a bill this year to repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell.
Votes Are in on Queer of the Year
Joe.My.God asked
blog readers to nominate people for the 2006 Queer of the Year. After Joe's sqad
of gay-thinkers narrowed the field of submitted names, readers voted on
the
finalists.
Since I sent a few of you over to nominate and/or vote, I
thought I better let you know the results ... So without further ado, the 2006
Queer of the Year is:
Mike Jones, the former
escort/prostitute who blew the whistle on the man-loving preacher Ted Haggard.
Barbara Walters Defends Rosie
Barbara gets in on the Rosie/Donald
controversy by going on the
record: "I have never regretted -- nor do I now -- the hiring of Rosie
O'Donnell."
Watch Video
Best New Artists of 2006
From
soul sisters and tween dreams to fallen ‘Idols’ and debutante divas, 2006 was a
good year for fresh voices on the radio. But what new stars shined brightest,
and what names will we actually remember in ’07? Check out AOL Music’s list of
the new musicians that made the biggest noise in the year gone by. Totally
agree, or think it’s all BS? Check out the list and give them a piece of your
mind.
Monday, 1 January 2007
Year in Queer Entertainment
AfterElton
and AfterEllen.com do a fabulous job of rounding up the year in queer
entertainment for all of you movie and TV fiends. The following links are
recommended if you want a recap of the good, the bad and the ugly in 2006.
In the 'Year in Queer 2006:
Movies,' writer Brian
Juergens tackles the silver screen and breaks things into bite-size pieces
including mainstream and indies, as well as films made specifically for gay
audiences. "Overall, 2006 brought us a group of fairly fresh gay
characters in an incredibly diverse sampling of films — and there's nothing
wrong with that. Perhaps 'Brokeback' sent the message that American audiences are
ready to see their gay characters as something other than a hairdresser or
florist or the catty bitch next door — that if a cowboy can be gay, so can just
about everyone else," says Juergens.
Focusing on lesbians
and film, Karman Kregloe writes: "A bisexual murder victim, a sociopathic
lesbian mom and an obsessive, closeted school teacher — not exactly the plethora
of iconic queer roles any of us might have been hoping for. The representation
of lesbian and bisexual women in mainstream film this year was dodgy at best."
Get her recap of lesbian
movies here.
AfterElton editor extraordinaire Michael Jensen looks to the
small screen in 'The Year in Queer TV: Eleven
Highs and Lows From 2006,'
dissecting gays and race, gay youth, the "F" word (faggot) and a new genre
called "bromance" (two straight men in love). About lesbian
TV, Malinda Lo gives
reality TV good marks for lesbian visibility, scores scripted broadcast and
cable TV shows poorly, and looks ahead at 2007.
Finally, both
sites hand out their own Visibility Awards in a wide variety of entertainment
categories. AfterEllen's glamorously intelligent editor Sarah Warn reveals the
"best moments" in lesbian TV and movies, and names two women as "best
high-profile lesbian(s)." Click here to find out who
they are.
On the men's side, the AfterElton man of the year is
named, along with a slew of
best and worst moments in entertainment, including "The Sissy Boys Rule Award"
(my personal favorite).
Here's an easy-click listing of the
embedded links from above. Check these out, they are worth the
trip.
AfterEllen:
The Year in Queer 2006:
Movies
Year in Queer 2006:
Television
2006 Visibility
Awards
AfterElton:
The Year in Queer 2006:
Movies
Year in Queer 2006:
Television
2006 Visibility
Awards
Do you have some favorite queer characters or movie or TV moments you want to share? Let's hear 'em.
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