Parlez-Vous 'Project Runway'?

It's kind of hard to tell, but one of these is the winner, and one of them is the loser.


As if 'Project Runway' wasn't bitchy enough déjà, last night's episode raised the bar beaucoup notches with the presence of sa majestie de couture, Catherine Malandrino.

Malandrino is totally glam and super (pronounced soooo-pear) haute, in case you didn't know. She has dressed tous les stars, including Angelina, Demi and Beyonce. This is a femme internationale of grand importance who is very good at what she does.

One of her gifts magnifique is that she's très good at paying people backhanded compliments -- a talent that the French have perfected. J'aime ça!

I can make this observation because I lived en France. I know (and love) these people. I even had a boyfriend Francais (well, not a boyfriend so much as a trick who followed me back to the states and wouldn't leave my house for three months. But that's une autre story altogether.) So, trust me on this: Malandrino has a penchant for smiling at you while she slices you open with ribbon shears. French people call this "telling the truth."

Take a look at quotes Mme. Malandrino directed at each of the pauvre contestants, then you tell me: Are these compliments or haute smartassery?

On Jeffrey's Tattoo:


"What is this tattoo, because I've been trying to read it ... Ahhhhh. Because this is really forever."


On Jeffrey's Gown:


"It's quite interesting to dare with an evening gown with a cotton.I think it's very audacious."

[Editor: OK, who else thought Jeffrey's dress looked like a he tied together a couple of picnic blankets from a fashion forward fabrique de Provence kitchen store? He WON with that? Donnez-moi un break!]


On Laura's Gown:

 
"I feel it's quite interesting for an evening dress to cover the arm."

[Editor: How do you say "maid/whore Francaise on steroids"?]


On Uli's Gown:

 
"So easy, so light, so effortless."

[Editor: This was the one thing she said that seemed to be sincerely nice ... Or was it?]


On Kayne's Gown:

 
"You know, you have been very brave to lace up in the back."


On Michael's Gown:

 
"And of course a couture gown is all about the detail, to come close and to appreciate the detail."

[Editor: Ne pensez pas that she couldn't tell that the detail was total merde as she was saying that.]


And now for the pièce de résistance. Vincent was off the bout profund (<<< French for f*'n DEEP END) with Madame Malandrino. Mon dieu, Vincent, vous  êtes desperate! Get a load of this:

On Vincent's Gown:

 
"There's something about the 80s for this dress, coming from the shoulder. It's a long time I haven't seen an evening dress with shoulder pads."

When Catherine asked him for more information about his dress, he panicked and slipped into his best "swave and de-boner":


"I like you very much. Very very much. You are one of the most sensational women I have ever laid my eyes on. I mean that. Everything about you, your hair, I watch, I look, your persona, you are impeccable. These your shoes? Let me ask you a question. This dress, do you think it's too much throw back, or do you think it's modern? Be honest."

Her:
Uhhh.  Uhhhh. [To model:] Can you turn?  [To Vincent:] It's an interesting dress. 

Him: OK

Judges:
Au revoir Vincent!


Finally, I have been simplement dying to find an excuse to share some video of French mega-goddess Dalida (love her) and now I have one: I give you homage to the 80's, with Dalida wearing something Vincent could definitivement have designed himself, shoulder pads, headband and all.

Dalida Sings 'Quand Je N'Aime Plus, Je M'En Vais'
(Meaning: When I Stop Loving, I'm So Outa Here)