Oh, for Dog's Sake!

You may be familiar with Norman (above, left), the adorable Brittany spaniel who moos. Why does he moo? He was born that way.

Norman is the star of the Born Different campaign, a $900,000 marketing effort designed to kickstart dialogue about gays among the good people of what many have come to regard as the axis of anti-gay evil: Colorado Springs, Colorado. The campaign is funded by the Gay and Lesbian Fund for Colorado/The Gill Foundation.

Born Different seeks to answer the question about whether or not we gays are "born gay." Several rather adorable videos were produced showing Norman just being himself, wanting and needing love in his life, a dog like every other dog -- save for the fact that he talks like a cow. And I mean that in a loving way.

Not surprisingly, right-wingers in "the Springs" practically started molting when they saw Norman's gay-positive message. Bad dog! Focus on the Family (FOF), the right-wing activist organization headed by James Dobson and headquartered in Colororado Springs, was no more willing to let moo-ing dogs moo than to let sleeping dogs lie gay people be gay. That's where Sherman comes in. Sherman is the star of their counter-campaign, No-Moo-Lies. Sherman (above right) barks. Why does he bark? Because heeeee's normal.

Sherman is barking up the wrong tree on his Web site, however. He professes to know about all things gay, opining that people choose to be gay, or that, at the very least, gays can choose to become straight. He claims to know some gay penguins who chose to become straight penguins.

Sherman is against gay marriage and domestic partnerships. His owners warn: "If he could talk, he'd tell you to keep your eyes and ears open between now and November to make sure you hear the truth about what marriage should mean in Colorado. Sure, making a dog sound like a cow is cute, but messing with marriage, the building block of all societies, is not. Indeed, it would be a dog-gone shame."

Sherman, who knows not to bite the hand that feeds him, obeys his masters' commands to refer site visitors to Love Won Out, an ex-gay program of FOF. And what does Love Won Out believe? That "homosexuality is preventable and treatable" and that through its program, you will "be reminded of the power of God’s love and His desire to transform the life of a struggling homosexual to find freedom in Jesus Christ."

To which I say, Christ! Get over it. You cannot change someone's sexual orientation. Fortunately for us, most thinking people today know this.

Frankly, I think we need a Save Sherman campaign. Sherman sets off my doggie-gaydar big time. You can tell that dog is gay, but is depressed as hell (just look at him) because his handlers keep trying to tell him he can choose to be something he's not.

Somebody ... Please call PETA before James Dobson has the chance to tell children everywhere that Sherman was "sent away to live on a farm" where there is lots of room for him to play.

Click to See Norman Moo & More

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Tags: Born Different, Gay Rights, Gay, Gill Foundation, Colorado

Update: 250 Wank, Kitten Fatalities Unknown at This Time

A Masturbate-a-thon was held in London this past weekend. From all accounts so far, it got off without a hitch.

250-plus people gathered together, dropped their drawers and went to town all in the name of charity and safe sex awareness. No word yet on how much money was raised from those who solicited friends and family to sponsor them for every minute that they pleasured themselves. One 28-year-old man was quoted as saying, “I’m not a good swimmer and I can’t run very far, but this is something I can do for charity.”

I say it's good to know one's strengths.

I haven't yet talked to anyone personally who attended. Since it was an eight hour event (hence the "a-thon"), it may be safe to assume that a good number of the participants are still napping. [Note to Leo: CALL ME!]

You left some insightful comments on my previous blog post about this event. Behold my favorites, the headlines are mine:

Man Shows Us His Palms (Look, No Hair!)
... But your [sic] part right, sex is natural and a good thing. However, sex is meant for a man and his wife, not a man and his hand, and not a man and some 'chick' he picked up.
Comment from sertrbl1


Cause and Effect, or Just a Coincidence?
When I was young (about 4,) I got my first kitten of my very own. It got killed by a car about 2 weeks later. About 8 years later, I found porn under my father's couch . Any relation there ???? Who knows.
Comment from babystar6368


Generous Donor, Always Thinks of Others
I'd pull my junk out ...If I can raise money crankin', then hell yea, sign me up.
Comment from sktrzach9


Insecure Much?
Yeah what kind of sick joke are you playing here? I'm gonna wh*ck off for money or a prize in like a church or townhall or big building with other maybe homosexuals staring at my thing? Yeah I don't think so...
Comment from yeahizcasey


I Had to Look Up 'Elevenses'
I am no prude, but is this REALLY necessary? Surely there are other ways to raise money for these worthy causes. What happened to the England of Churchill and 'elevenses?'  I do believe the British have collectively lost their minds.
Comment from eatonplace165


One of My Wiser Readers
Your article was hilarious! Thanks.
Comment from outwest711


Most Open Minded
Get a gurl friend! fag
Comment from kldchick1

 Keep those cards and letters coming.

Hungry for More Naked News?
Artist Spencer Tunick Gets Four Hundred to Get Naked in Germany Today, and AOL Has It on Video

 

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'Stars Are Blind,' & Straight Dudes Are Deaf

Let me start off by saying I've never been a huge Paris Hilton fan. What I really mean is, I've hated her along with everyone else because, well, she never really gave me a good reason to feel otherwise. Until now.

Paris has kind of become my new best friend with the release of her single,  'Stars Are Blind.' Every morning, I put the top down on my car, start up Paris on my iPod (she's set to "Repeat"), and as I drive into work with the wind gently tousling my graying hair I think about who I will fool into falling in love with Paris Hilton today.

I LOVE this bubble-gummy, please-do-me-right-here-on-the-beach summer song. And if I love it, I want everyone I know to love it, too. What can I say, I'm a giver.

This is actually my favorite summer sport: I play the song for people without telling them who it is. Nine out of 10 people get into it -- until they find out it's Paris Hilton, and then they start backpedaling.

The other day, I did this to straight-boyfriend-Jeff, whose taste in music is something akin to listening to five radios at once with a hi-speed blender on in the background. I have never been able to make out the words to even one song he has played for me. The same cannot be said about the music I play for him because, let's face it, Barbra Streisand has perfect diction.

So get this: He loved 'Stars Are Blind.' He thought it was Gwen Stefani.

Now, straight-dude Jeff (I can't believe hanging out with him has turned me into someone who says "dude") has made a FEEBLE attempt to discredit my girl Paris. In his Pixel Pusher blog yesterday, he claims to have evidence that her song is a rip-off of UB40's 'Kingston Town.' He has "music video proof."

You have to read his post and listen for yourself, but let me just say that Jeff is full of crap. Paris' song is not a rip-off. The UB40 song has the same rhythm and beat, yes. It's called reggae? They all sound like that. It's an island thing and, when used strategically, that reggae sound improves your odds of getting someone to have sex with you on the beach by a factor of 10. Idiot!

 

Tags: Paris Hilton, Stars Are Blind, Gay

To My Darling 'Project Runway,' With Love...Mommie Dearest

'Project Runway' EZ-Camp Translator



What's fun about 'Project Runway' is that a) it's the gayest show ever, and b) it's super easy to replace its dialogue with quotes from the movie 'Mommie Dearest' without changing the meaning of anything that happened on the show whatsoever.



Kayne: "I saw some pattern-making books in Keith's room."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "TINA. Bring me the axe."


Robert: "How could you think that having a pattern book was acceptable in your room?"
Mommie Dearest Translation: "You think your life's a mystery? There isn't a dirty cover up in this entire business that I don't know about, and YOUR hand is in EVERY ONE of them... you REEK OF IT!"


Tim Gunn: "We have very clear and concise rules. One of the absolute no-no's is no fashion how-to books. None of any kind."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "Don't F**K with me, fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."


Tim: "Keith left the production and used the Internet, also both not allowed."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "Is this an institution of learning or a teenage brothel?"


Tim: "These books make me SICK."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "How could this happen, how could you humiliate me this way? I am ashamed to be your mother!"


Laura: "Keith ... What an a**hole. I'm glad to see him gone."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "You were very, very bad to wake Mommie up like that. VERY naughty. I told you, Mommie has to be beautiful today ... Today is so important. You are thoughtless andselfish. You must learn to think about other people."


Keith: "I never used those books to give myself an unfair advantage."
Mommie Dearest Translation: DAMN YOU! Are you CRAZY? No person talks to me like that, NO ONE ANYWHERE! Are you crazy? ARE YOU? Tell me! TELL ME! ... Why must EVERYTHING be a CONTEST? ... Then I'm not gonna play with you anymore. EVER."

 

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Tags: Project Runway, Mommie Dearest, Gay

Jake Gyllenhaal, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise -- Gay? You Wish

As a follow-up to my blog entry yesterday about gossip, I want to share a great article posted today at AfterElton.com.

Writer Kim Ficera explores gay gossip and draws a few incisive and insightful conclusions about it, including the role that bloggers and the media play in enabling stories to flourish that very often are based on practically nothing. She also looks at the flip side -- the appetite and motivations gay people have to read and/or spread gossip, especially about celebrities.

Ficera asks, "Why, for example do we continue to insinuate that Oprah Winfrey and Jake Gyllenhaal are gay when it's pretty clear they're not?"

Her answer: "We want desperately for Oprah to be a lesbian because she'd grant the entire GLBT community a level of respect we just don't have now."

I think there's something to this point, as well as other things she has to say. Ficera holds the mirror up for the GLBT community to take a good look at ourselves and examine what exactly it is we gain by trying to claim Jake/Tom/Oprah/et al as members of our gay tribe. Is it just because we want them to be? (OK, I don't necessarily want Tom Cruise to be gay. Please, no!)

We can try to make people gay by hoping that if we gossip about it often enough -- despite a lack of any real evidence -- it might transform into truth. But in doing so, we really don't advance anything at all, and that includes our self-respect as well as "the gay agenda."

Rumor Has It: The Gay Gossip Mill in the Age of Blogging (AfterElton.com)

 

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Tags: Jake Gyllenhaal, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, Gossip, Gay

Lance Bass Is Gay; Now Gossip Whores Go Crazier

The Page Six vultures at the New York Post have swooped down on Lance Bass and his boyfriend Reiken Lehmkuhl. That didn't take long.

According to Page Six's "spy," we shouldn't expect America's newest A-gay couple to be together much longer. The Post characterizes Reichen as "controlling" and less than amazing. The unnamed spy is quoted as saying Reichen "forced Lance to come out just at the same time he has a book coming out ['Here's What We'll Say'] so he could ride the publicity wave."

Personally, I like celebrity news, but find gossip columns to be kind of gross. The two are very different. Gossip columns traffic in rumor, often mean-spirited, making mountains out of molehills (sometimes not even that) with the hope that they'll sell papers. And they do.

It's true that most gays I've talked to "don't like" Reichen. But we love and hate the personal-life side of celebrities (as opposed to loving or hating their work) based on image, fantasy and, yes, gossip. Unless you have a direct connection to Bass and his beau, you don't really know what's going on in their relationship or their private lives. And the same goes for Paris Hilton, Brangelina and the rest of the celebrity world.

When Lance Bass tells the world he's gay, that's news, inasmuch as people care about Lance Bass as an artist or a "celebrity." When Page Six splashes a warning that we shouldn't expect Lance and Reichen to last, that's just trash.

 

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Tags: Lance Bass, Reichen Lehmkuhl, Gossip

Stephen Colbert's New Wikiality: Internet Anarchy Is Fun

Stephen Colbert had some fun exposing the vulnerability of Wikipedia when he went in and "edited" (read: mauled) a couple of choice entries and then splattered his exploits all over his show.

Much to the delight/horror of us all, Colbert coined the new term "Wikiality," or the phenomenon of how made-up facts can become "reality" by virtue of enough people believing in them.

Even though I love Wikipedia, much has been made of late about the fact that its open system is susceptible to bad information being posted by malicious or misinformed citizen-editors.

The blogosphere is nuts today about this, with some people saying that he violated the honor system of the beloved Web site. Others say that showing the system's weakness will make it stronger in the end.

What do you think?

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Tags: Stephen Colbert, Wikipedia