A few months ago, a dear and longtime close friend delivered some news to my husband and me of the sort that you never want to hear from someone you love: He tested HIV positive.
I lived through the holocaust years of the '80s and early '90s. Like many people, I lost friends and loved ones to AIDS, including my former partner. In 1995, five of my very closest friends died within a six-month period. Today, I of course have friends who are positive, but seroconversion these days is rare among my social group, which is why it came as such a shock when it happened to my friend, John Andriote.
It was shocking not only because the news is sad in and of itself, but because John is no stranger to HIV: He's an internationally known author and reporter on the subject, and has been for 20 years. One of John's books, 'Victory Deferred, How AIDS Changed Gay Life in America,' is a remarkable and authoritative chronicle of how the gay community lived with, and sometimes died from, HIV/AIDS. It was nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.
Part of the discussion my husband and I had with him was how he, as a professional authority on HIV, would integrate the new reality of his own status into his work. How should he come out about being HIV+ ? In true John fashion, he chose to write about it.
Yesterday, John's personal story ran in the Washington Post. He told me it's the hardest thing he's ever written. He takes the reader on a journey of someone who knew everything there was to know about living with HIV/AIDS -- except what it felt like to be living with it himself.
In an e-mail John sent around to friends alerting them to the Post article -- some perhaps learning about his health news in that very e-mail -- he said that he hopes the story would "help to lift up people living with the virus, too many of whom still are afraid to reveal their status because of the stigma and shame they are told they should feel."
Read this article. And thank you, John, for being this brave.
AIDS: For 20 Years, HIV Was My Livelihood. Now, It's My Life (Washington Post, Free Registration Required)
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10 comments:
Incredible story. The man is lucky to have a cool mom and supportive friends. Glad you shared this.
A deeply touching article. I hope that John's actions do inspire other HIV positive people to know that they are not alone and that people do care about HIV eventhough it's hasn't been in the domestic press as much as it used to be.
Am I supposed to feel sorry for him? Well, I don't! I only feel sorry for children born with that disease. Luckily neither my partner nor I have AIDS. And we certainly don't go around trying to garner sympathy for those grown men with it.
I believe the public would like to know how an authority on the subject managed to contract the disease.Was it unsafe sex,or safe sex with bad luck?
YOUR MOTHER IS A SMART LADY. YOU ARE A BRAVE MAN. YOUR ARE IN MY HEART AND THOUGHTS. I AM NOT GAY, NOR DO I PERSONALLY KNOW ANYONE AFFECTED BY HIV OR AIDS, NOR HAVE I EVER AS FAR AS I KNOW. I DO HAVE MANY GAY & LESBIAN FRIENDS. YOUR STORY IS VERY TOUCHING AND APPRECIATED. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT. HERE, IM MY HEART, YOU ARE ACCEPTED. NO SHAME SHOULD SHADOW YOUR WALK THROUGH LIFE.
SINCERELY,
A FRIEND
YOUR MOTHER IS A SMART LADY. YOU ARE A BRAVE MAN. YOUR ARE IN MY HEART AND THOUGHTS. I AM NOT GAY, NOR DO I PERSONALLY KNOW ANYONE AFFECTED BY HIV OR AIDS, NOR HAVE I EVER AS FAR AS I KNOW. I DO HAVE MANY GAY & LESBIAN FRIENDS. YOUR STORY IS VERY TOUCHING AND APPRECIATED. I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT. HERE, IM MY HEART, YOU ARE ACCEPTED. NO SHAME SHOULD SHADOW YOUR WALK THROUGH LIFE.
SINCERELY,
A FRIEND
im hiv positive, i dont know how to deal with it
I am so sorry you got to know it up close and personal and I just wanted to let you know that God never give us more than we can handle .You may live another 20 year being infected with the virus simply because you know so much and a person who smokes ,does drugs ,drink or even eat to much could die faster than you so just try to stay as healthy as possible and i will keep you in my prayers. Prayer Changes Things. Wrote with love Vee.
It's very sad when another person contracts AIDs. It's all about security and risks one is willing to take. It's not impossible to live a chaste life...in fact, it should be something we strive for. Perhaps AIDs mother nature's way of discouraging promiscuity?
All the same, I hope they find a cure, and fast. Many countries in Africa suffer from 25% or greater HIV positive rates.
i have often wondered why 2 men men would be attracted to each other, as we all know the gays are the ones who spread the hiv viris, you may be a pretty good man but why ? why would you open your personal life story to the public ? what made you so attracted to other men ? and didn't you know the risk ? bi sexua; men date other men then go home to their wives and spread the hiv to them and i think it's sad that you already know thet hiv comes mostly from gay men but yet it continues - WHY ? why keep spreading it? did you even know your partner well enough to know he had hiv ? and still has sex with him ayway ? or did you just assume your partner didnt have the hiv virus ? i am not cutting you down as you are just as human as the next person , i guess i just want to know answers.good luck.
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