I just got this this e-mail from my friend Nate. I changed the names to protect the innocent, but the circumstances and concepts remain completely and totally intact:
"Last night I was to meet up with my new drive-by friend, Chris. Since our meetings are always "hi, let's go upstairs [and have sex]," I thought we could at least have dinner together since he's so nice. So, we're sitting there and get our drinks and he's like, "Here's to our first date" and in my head I'm thinking, "Waaaa???"
We proceed to chat and I ask, "What's your last name?" and he says "Cursor. As is in the opposite of printing, like when you write."
I think, "WAAAA?" then say, "Do you mean cursive?"
Silence. Awkward. Sweet boy.
We go home and have a TON of fun for a LONG time, finish up, and he crawls under the sheets and falls asleep. In my bed. Like he's in for the night. And I am like, "WAAAA?"
I'm thinking: What would [my dear friend] Alexander-aka-Carrie-Bradshaw do? How would he get the guy to leave?
I say, "Do you need a ride home?" Silence. And there's no budging him. So, I have my first sleepover. By accident.
How was your evening?"
Three questions, dear readers:
1) If you've already slept together -- numerous times -- but not been on a date, how do you know when you're on your first date?
2) You discover your f-buddy is slightly illiterate, but the sex is good. Do you keep seeing him?
3) He falls asleep after sex, but you don't want him to stay. How do you get rid of him?
25 comments:
1. Dinner post-sex is a date, unless BOTH people verbalize that you are just sex friends.
2. Sex with someone who doesn't know cursor from cursive? Steamy hot if you're prone to fantasies about doing it with the gardener or the stable boy, but not promising for anything longterm, which your friend obviously has no interest in with this guy anyway.
3. Upfront notice that he can't stay; otherwise, suck it up and let the man sleep. Lordy.
Your friend comes off as a little harsh, although he obviously is being honest about something all of us single men go through and think ourselves.
Sometimes you just want sex, nothing more, but friend-of-Kenneth has to know that the guy may develop feelings if they are doing repeat visits. Best to communicate everything as honestly as possible.
What's a "drive-by" friend? Rest stop pick-up? I never heard that one.
I think question #1 is really: "Can you have dinner w/ a f-buddy and have it not be a date?"
I didn't word that very well.
Kenneth
1) If you've already slept together -- numerous times -- but not been on a date, how do you know when you're on your first date?
Dates need three things:
1) A social activity which brings you together
2) Some form of interactive one-on-one conversation
3) An interest in achieving contact with each others' nether-regions, whether that day or theoretically sometime in the future
For instance, if you go out with your friend to dinner, but you chat about all the guys each of you want to have sex with--and not as a three-way--then no it's not a date. Similarly, if you boink like rabbits and then lay around sharing intimate details, but do little more than flip through TV channels, then no it's not a date. For that matter, if you go with a group of friends to an event, where you and another guy secretly slip into a bathroom for a quickie without saying a word and then go back to the group like nothing happened, the two of you are not on a date. Although that's really fun.
Going out to dinner with someone, talking to him as if you're interested in his life, and then having sex afterwards? Absolutely, most definitely, without a doubt a date. What is wrong with this guy? If he didn't want to go on a date with his f-buddy and get the guy's hopes up, your friend shouldn't have been so self-absorbed and instead considered what his actions meant.
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2) You discover your f-buddy is slightly illiterate, but the sex is good. Do you keep seeing him?
Of course. They're easier to boss around that way.
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3) He falls asleep after sex, but you don't want him to stay. How do you get rid of him?
You don't. No one likes to be
i have had sex with another girl and she has a sexy body and i got to kiss her boobs
If the sex was really fabulous, I would let him stay, because you may get more sex come morning.
If you don't want him sleeping over, wake him up and tell him it's time for him to leave.
Ok here are the answers to those questions..If I already slept with the person numerous times but never been on a official "DATE", then if we are out and having conversation and drinks and or dinner it is a DATE.
If my F-Buddy is illiterate, but the sex is good..I might keep seeing him, but I also maybe get him a christmas gift of Hooked on Phonics.
If they fall asleep after sex, and they have never done this before, the excuses start getting broken out, such as..I have to get up real early in the morning for a meeting or Sorry but I really prefer to sleep alone after good sex.
They need to stop putting Gay sleeping pictures in open internet access, this is not right.
1) When "feelings" are woven into the getting naked, that is when the "light goes on" this may be a date. When both people sense similar "feelings" as well as "seeing" the flicker of the light going on, it's a for sure date. Sleeping together numerous times - no matter how groin powerful it is - does NOT constitute dating.
2) If you find yourself looking forward to the physical sensations more than you anticipate your f-buddy becoming a Jeopardy contestant, it is YOUR responsibility to keep the physical relationship intact without expecting anything else. Otherwise, you have to ask yourself whether the "juice worth the squeeze" with what you are getting from the relationship physically.
3) You tell him that your preference is sleeping alone until such time you both agree sharing that kind of physical relationship (sleeping together): (a) Is what you both want to do and, (b) it is with each other. If he questions this, be blunt and tell him you look forward to the next shared orgasm together but he must now leave.
So here's the answer to question 1,2,&3.....Just be upfront and tell the guy what you do and do not want to do. What's wrong with a little honesty while dating? If this is not dating and just a quicky, then chances are you will not see him again (just be safe while having your fun).
Really, those 3 questions are no brainers, unless you are into games.
1) He would ask you out instead of going upstair. Something is not routing and he would do or ask you out for movie or dinner. If he is really interesting of dating you he would say " do u want me to pick you up or meet at the restaurant?"
2)
1) He would ask you out instead of going upstair. Something is not routing and he would do or ask you out for movie or dinner. If he is really interesting of dating you he would say " do u want me to pick you up or meet at the restaurant?"
2) well, you do the reading and educate him and he will teach you back in other way of return. Remember is give and take to make it work babe.
3) If the man fall asleep in your bed unless you don't have the feeling with him just let him know may be next time but tomorrow you got the early schedule and you need to wake up early, but if you do care about him and he does show he cares of you, let the poor man stay and keep you warm and safe at night at least. I think he try to show you some sign that he likes you if not mostly after sex they will take off immediately and tell you" i will call you ok?"
on the first question there is no such thing as a first date if this person has been your f buddy for so long
and on your second question what difference does it make if he is a little iliterate aren't we all at times and since when does smarts have to do with looking for a partner especially if u guys have f buddies for awhile
on your third question just wake him up and say listen buddy but u got to go home
answer number 1- You know you are on your first date when the guy starts telling you about his day and wants to know about yours.
Number 2- Yes. Just put a gag in his mouth
Number 3- take him in your arms in bed, and when he stirs to get into position whisper, "I'll be up all night doing research and I don't want to disturb your sleep. Shall I help you get a taxi?"
boruttany
1. I think the first date should not be sexual, so if youve already hooked up, and you guys go on a date without sex that was the first date.
2. Put a shock in his mouth!
3. I dont about anyone else don't know about anyone else, but I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't want to sleep over.
1. that's the thing, always take it for what it is, and nothing more.
2. of course you keep seeing him, you weren't with him for intellectual stimulation, were you?
3. all else fells, fake calls of high importance take precedence.
1) when u go out somewhere out of the ordinary or when he is making a big fuss over u when u are out somewhere nice
2) who cares if u can read or wright some 1 who is good in bed is hard to find well espeshely when it comes to wemon it is
3) just say look get out now i liked the sex but thats all i wanted no strings sorry
ps i am a straight guy i ansered all the questions as if they where about girls
1) well u know when its the first date u could feel it
2) if sex is good it don't matter that he desn't know how to spell sex
3) make u a excuse so he can't stay over its ur house.
You know you're on your first date when there are awkward silences.
If you're only looking for hot sex, than don't worry about the him not being very smart..... but if you're looking for something lasting, you'll need more than a pretty mouth
So what if he stays the night, you're probably both tired ??
1 i slept with this guy numerous times and never went out and then he took me to a the football field where he practices (football is his life) and showed me a side of him he didn't show me b4. that was our first date. it was romantic and and thats when you know its ur first date; when it means something.
2 everyone has problems. you dont judge them for them you try to help them. if you really care for them and you think it could go somewhere of course you keep seeing them. those problems are a test of faith and commitment. you cant say you dont have problems so be open minded and learn to accept people the way they are. God say come as you are when you come to see him. He will love you as you are and we as religious or just plain moral people should know that.
3 Dont sleep with someone you dont want to stay overnight. Sex is a serious step even though people in this generation dont seem to understand. If you happen to be in that situation though be honest. Nothing beats honesty. Tell him to leave. If you cant bring yourself to do that then evaluate. Why? Is it because you care? Maybe. Think about it. But if you really dont want him there make an excuse say you have to leave and go to mom duces. He wont stay if u arent there so just leave. Its ur house and you shouldnt have to do that but u put urself in that situation so do what u gotta do.
We all have our cross to bare. I have been guilty of adultry, and struggle with premarital sex even now. I am wrong. Homosexuality is wrong. I hope one day we will both conquer our weaknesses.
The minute you met was your first date. you keep seeing him. You sleep over his place and leave when you want to.
I think, from what you have written, that this is a very romantic situation. If you are looking for someone literate then look the other way...I think you have found your man...Congratulations!
I shake him and say hey you got to go . now get up go . But im the one how allways invites gets mines and falls asleep in my own bed and i dont care if my partners likes it or not that why I fell in love with this man who loved that about me.
I HATE BEING GAY AND MATURE YOUR LUCKY
HENRY841U
Interesting situation and I do have answers to your questions...but to be honest, if you have to ask those questions, it kind of sounds like you really just wanted a f-buddy...so by "treating" him out, you really did screw yourself, "accidently." I think you inadvertantly strung him along, so if i were you, (and not looking for someone to seriously date) then tell him the truth, that he's a f-buddy and you are not looking for more so he won't stay over, assuming the other times you had sex he didn't stay over. So that answers question 3. Also, you won't have to worry about "dates" because in your case, it was a "date" because you did something besides "sex." Big no- no, remember if he's a sex toy, you don't treat those out to dinner. Just replace the batteries, yeah? lol. That's my answer to question 1. And for question 2, I don't see a problem with the mistake he made - to me, it sounds like he was just nervous and was trying to make some witty remark and unfortunately, failed - but I think that's funny. But if it bugs you and you need intelligent and stimulating conversations then he may not be your guy. And if he's doing that during sex, then you know you have to break it off and find another guy, okies? I hope that helps. good luck! :)
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