Why? Because because the gay community seems to slowly but surely be turning their backs on the fringe, the gay people who don't look "mainstream," the very queer people who made Gay Pride possible in the first place.
At last year's New York Pride, Joe overheard a man tell a friend why he wasn't going to watch the parade: "Those defectives and freaks?" he spat, indicating the colorful crowd outside the store, "They have nothing to do with MY life, thank you very much. This parade has as much dignity as a carnival freak show. It's no wonder the whole country hates us."
Now, Joe rips him a new one -- and everyone else who thinks gays should look like, well, everyone else.
This is a great read. I have to say I agree completely. Do you?
Watching the Defectives, by Joe.My.God
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36 comments:
i dont think that thats very fair. i mean if being a butch or a femme guy is how they are comfortable then thats how they should be. as a community we should be embracing diversity and not judging people for the way they are.
Gesus , if u left out all the fat dykes and femmes , you'd have alot of people watching tv during gay pride month..and me too, hahah
I believe in a certain amount of dignity. I am just as crazy as the next guy and I believe in self expression. People just need to relax and realize that everyone is not the same. I am gay and I understand the difference in all sectors. Just mind your own business ! van
Joe,
I'll have to agree with you 2000%. Having knowing I was gay at the age of 8 was tough. Around 17 years old, I came to grips with it, and living in the New York Metropolitan Area, I knew I had great outlets to work with to ease into the life. I attended my first gay pride nyc in 1999, at first it made me extra proud to be part of such a vibrant, outspoken and proud community. HOWEVER, as the years progressed, I've seen nothing but a downgrade. As you previously stated, you have these Abercrombie poster-boy types that will frown down upon you if you dont "fit the mold." The mold being; subway-rail thin, puerto-rican or white and about a queeny as RuPaul in the Supermodel video. Me, personally, I'm mixed (Black and White), not rail thin BUT not fat-bastard fat. I'm your average joe who just happens to be gay. Being just that I've run into alot of negativity towards me when it comes to dating or just being friends with a certain crowd. I wish there was more people like you around to have forewarned some of us who came into the life thinking it was all gravy and fabulous. It's not and sometimes I'm ultra-embarrased to be gay, because of types you explained about in your blog.
Thanks for your time & letting me rant for a minute.....Trevor
Everyone should be able to live their lives as they want to. Unfortunately, in the real world it doesn't work out evenly. In the USA, if you want acceptance, you have to start as close to the center as you can and work your way out, not the reverse. People who see gays and lesbians who "look like they do" will be more accepting early on, allowing a gradual acceptance of the people whose lifestyles are more eccentric (?) as time passes. One can never gain acceptance by beating people over the head.
Everyone should be able to live their lives as they want to. Unfortunately, in the real world it doesn't work out evenly. In the USA, if you want acceptance, you have to start as close to the center as you can and work your way out, not the reverse. People who see gays and lesbians who "look like they do" will be more accepting early on, allowing a gradual acceptance of the people whose lifestyles are more eccentric (?) as time passes. One can never gain acceptance by beating people over the head.
Gays & Lesbians are human and are no different or more special than anyone else. I never understood why people want to be defined by their sexual preference. The reason why Americans find Gays & Lesbians so disgusting is because you are very outward about something so personal. Everyone has their own sexual preferences, whether weird or normal, but seriously why do you need a parade to show it? I don’t have a problem with Gays & Lesbians; I just find it a little odd when a man acts as a woman and visa versa. The parade should be cancelled and what you decide to do in your bedroom should be left behind closed doors.
Am I against how people decide to dress and how they provide themselves to the public, no. BUT! I do know for sure that the way many homosexual carry themselves has a lot to with "gay haters" and why they commit hate crimes. I personally am a gay male, and I act very "straight". That's the main reason people have accepted me as much as they have. I'm almost confused myself as to how gay males end up with higher pitched voices, and decide to carry themselves in a more feminine manner. Yes, some of it has to do with how you were brought up. I have four brothers, obviously that has something to with how I carry myself for the world to see how "straight" gay people can be. Which I'm very proud of. I've turned TONS of gay haters in close friends because they say, "I didn't know you guys could act like this". It's very simple, if you want society to like you, act like society.
I consider myself a very conservative gay male one might say "straight acting" which truly isn't the case. I do however believe Pride is about celebrating all aspects of our communities to those mean looking butch dykes to the drag queen to the transgender all aspects. How are we going to fight for what is truly our right to live a happy life when we are turning our backs on each other. I say celebrate each other's difference it is what makes us who we are as a community.
Stoff21888 - It's because of idiots like YOU that I wrote that post. Congratulations on being a real man, a manly man, a man who nobody would know takes it up the ass. You do...don't you? Take it up the ass? Yeah, you're real straight-acting. Heh.
Im gay.
I also wouldent want to be caught dead going to a pride parade ect.
I seen what a joke our own community makes about being gay. and its THEM who make me MORE ashamed to be gay then ANY strait people i have ever come across
Being gay is NOT about putting on a dress and heeels and standing on a float showing the world what an idiot you are.
Im MORE asshamed by gay people then ANY strait person could EVER do or say.
Its no wonder strait people hate.. Id Hate too if i had people like that liveing next door to me.
Every fringe socoety has its freeks letting them have a parade to prove it is rediculus and demeaning to outher gay men who accually stand up to pee.
Ill even sighn this, Thumperwxp@aol.com if you care to complain.....
Thumper, *I'm* ashamed by gay people who can hardly read and write. I'd be SO embarassed to have an atrociously poor speller like you living next door to me.
I personally believe that pride is vital because it brings together ALL of the very different elements in our community. I think that, because we share the same orientation and the same oppression, we should be very tolerant of one another -- at least as tolerant as we would ask straight people to be.
But by that I mean that we should be tolerant of EVERYONE, including those who are not as far along the path to self-actualization. That's one point Joe never seems to concede -- for him, we must love everyone (agreed), EXCEPT those who are more closeted than ourselves. On that point, I think that Joe is dead wrong.
It's unfortunate but true that when a gay pride is covered by the media they point the good ol'camera at what else, the flambouant and "fringe" of gay pride. Thus showing grass roots America what they want you to believe that that is all Gay Pride parades are. Is there a fix to this?
stop talking about yourselves ,you draw attention and then you want to be accepted . Well i can tell you now that for most people that are together as man and wife . Were tired of hearing about gays & lesbeians. I say live as you will, you don"t have to answer to anyone on earth. Just please stop talking and writing about the subject. If you didn't want the attention , beleave me you wouldn't get it.
Corrydad- In what regard is this issue related to the closet? We're talking about gay people who denigrate, diminish, and dismiss other gay people whose appearance and mannerisms lie outside of traditionally held gender roles. In the context of my post, all parties are presumed to be completely out.
I used to be for your movement but it has become so pervasive and militant --I dont really give a shit about your plight anymore
I agree with Joe in that without those who had nothing to hide and less to loose, we would all still be in the closet. I am, however, saddened by the right's seizing upon only these images as the narrow and stereotypical images only images of all GLBT people. WE ARE like everyone else: fat, skinny, old, young, all shades, sizes, shapes, sexual identities.....shy, bold, and on and on. I thank God for the diversity in our community and in the larger community as well!
Earl Waters
sometimes the gay pride has families there i don't care about fats drags or butch dukes, thats ok its the ones who had their "other" chained and half naked to him like a dog or the ones damn near having sex look i don't want to see anybody acting like that. i went to one two years ago with some friends who are gay they took the kids cause it was to be a day of pride for all of them ..then to see thoses kinda things.. this gay pride day was set up for families too at the park..whats wrong with some class..
After reading this blog, it's confirmed that it's not JUST me. Speaking from a 22 year-old, gay male perspective, I find myself often upset at the execution of many gay "gatherings" because these events are publicized and, as with any conservative audience, this is the extent of what they know about gay people. I have read extensive articles from gay perspectives about some heterosexual oriented events and the difference is that they're not all screaming, "I'M STRAIGHT"! SO, whenever disrespect is given, why not think of how "our" population is being represented. The more mainstream gay folks don't have a face with gay festivals because once you've broken the barrier of stereotyping for the group, which is difficult, why would you want to loose your dignity by by attending the "freak shows?" There is a small majority of the gay population that would rather NOT go to the clubs on the weekend, would rather NOT do all the drinking and partying, BUT would rather "process" their lifetime truely without all of the DRAMA! So if you're reading this and you don't know - we're not all like that ;-)
Interesting article. I agree with most of it.
My comments.
Of course there is nothing wrong with gays showing who they are at gay pride. We as a group are setting a course in society of allowing ourselves to to be who we are and show it to the world. The reason I beleve the hets will never accept this is that most people are mired in our puritanical roots and what that means in terms of behavior and etiquette. Having said that most people are afraid to express who they really are and choose to live in the cloisters of denial of their real selves and expressing it to the world. Their loss. But as well ours too in that they not only don't understand our opennes they are also envious of it as well. So for those who choose to live on that river in Egypt we will continusly be a pebble in their shoe on many levels.
Second. I take offense re: the comments about the gays in the midst of the hets living their boring lives the way the other side does. If anything we as a group should champion their moving into the enemies territory. The days of Stonewall were the first salvo. Thier territory is the next front where the battle will be won. As Tip O'Neil said "all politics are local". So it makes sense that we need to move on into the rest of society and show the hets that we aren't monsters. That once they get to know us they may even like us. Using the Jew analogy, they were boxed into ghettos and look where that got them. If we are to survive we have to move beyond isolating ourselves. As Lisa said in the Simpsons episode "you're always here, so what". To me that means we have found that acceptance to be who we are. Just good ol Joe and Steve or Mandy and Brandy down the street.
I wish I could write as well as some or a stupidly as some to garner the attention of the original author. All I want to say is that am glad that, at least for now, there is a forum for this view. this opinion. this battlecry. this orientation. this life choice. this way of life. this birthright.
Whatever you want to call it, Joe stimulates minds, encourages bravery, sparks nerves, and in general, opens minds to either side. Joe is definately biased, and makes me feel warm and fuzzy that the "bias" ain't too far from my path. And what is wrong with being biased?
I am a mainstream looking gay male and I must say that I am GLAD that there are all different kinds of people who march in the Pride Parade's. Just like every genre there are always different breeds - but some of those people who others consider to be Freaks are the very ones who have gotten the gay community as far as it has come!!!! We all actually owe them a thank you for being so "over the top" to get gay people noticed to begin with. It will take all different types of us to finally reach the point of being treated equally!!!!! SO THANK YOU TO THE NON MAINSTREAM GAYS -
"I do know for sure that the way many homosexual carry themselves has a lot to with "gay haters" and why they commit hate crimes." Wow. Is a rape the victim's fault, too? I'm a straight chick, but I take a special interest in gay equality b/c I JUST DON'T GET THE HATE. I’ll never understand it. Stop hating on your own; it certainly isn’t helping anything. The problem isn't the flamboyant gays. The problem is that other people have a problem with it! Some guy on the street wearing a skirt isn’t hurting anyone, so who the hell cares? If you really care at all about changing people’s perception of gays, you need to be active about it. You need to accept the whole of your own community if you expect anyone else to. You can’t just try and blend in and be “normal”! No one’s normal! All those straight “bankers and lawyers” you aspire to be just like all have dirty little secrets of their own, I’m sure.
that reminds me, the 1974 "Wayne County At The Trucks:The MainMan Album" has been released by Munster Records in Spain; Wayne, who is now Jayne County, was at the StoneWall Riots, and is the original transgender drag rocker, the first and the greatest; check her out at www.jaynecounty.com
A great and timeless piece...just another reason why it's so necessary to keep everything REAL & REMEMBER HISTORY. who but I...can change the world--unless we insist on telling others (the ones we don't feel are deserving...to remain in closet) and that would be a sad day. REMEMBER GAY PRIDE CAME AS RESULT OF DRAG QUEENS...NOT IN SPITE OF THEM.
Rosa Parks didn't march thru town with her "tits" hanging out, wearing combat boots and look what she accomplished.
Uncbobjax1
"The parade should be cancelled and what you decide to do in your bedroom should be left behind closed doors."
As soon as heterosexuals stop parading their sex lives around me by insisting on calling themselves Mr. and Mrs., I'll call for pride parades to be cancelled.
The point is, I don't want the rest of the country to invade the privacy of my bedroom. But when my partner and I leave that bedroom and try to visit each other in the hospital or buy a house together or just kiss each other goodbye at the airport without someone freaking out, it has nothing whatsoever to do with our sex life and everything to do with our real life.
Whoever said that was a fucking closet case. Seriously, that pisses me off.
How about this gay pride month we define gay pride?
Gay is not an identity, it is a charactoristic. The fringe are stereotypical and pretty much lacking of individual or original thought. Is there pride in that? Not for me. I don't do clone.
It reads to me that Joe heard "defective freaks", and I wouldn't go that far, but he seems to have put in "fats, fems, drags, and dykes". That would be his stereotyping.
There's the problem. Old school GLBT have blinders on, and want everyone to accept them for who they are. They have an image of who we are that seems to be cast in stone, and their veiw is so narrowed by their roles as our champions. They go out and shout that they represent us, when they don't anymore.
For some of us, sexuality or sexual identity is a charactoristic, not an identity. Some of us have real lives and real jobs, and I for one don't remember saying "all you fats, femmes, drags, and dykes, speak for me. I'm too busy having a life."
Pride day is a side show and it only represents the fringe who are afraid to embrace individuality. By doing that, you tell them that we are like you, but like it or not, some GLBT people have thoughts of our own and identities that weren't defined for us. Yeah, it pisses us off too, that we have to fight the negative image that you all parade about.
Who is the biggot? We are just like "everyone else"!
The fact is gay people are as diverse as the world's population since there are gay people from every walk of life. Younger generations should reflect on the sacrifices and bold acts of those who helped initiate the gay movement. But it wasn't just drag queens and the fringe that were responsible for this. ALL types of people were responsible for kicking off the movement. In fact, the earliest activists (think first half of 20th century) were incredibly mainstream.
Stonewall didn't kick off the gay movement. It was the culmination of years of bravery and activism across the country from small town to bustling metropolis, from average masculine Joe to the mollycoddle (turn of the century lingo for queen). (Read John Loughery's _The Other Side of Silence_, the best history of gay American men in my opinion.)
In some ways the diversity of openly gay men declined in the 70s and 80s as what became more and more visible (for obvious reasons) was the fringe. So-called normal men felt alienated as the drag queens, leather daddies, etc. got the public's attention. In their eyes it was only providing the antagonists' fodder for their campaign of ignorance and hatred.
(continued below)
Indeed some of these men harbored feelings of self hatred. But many simply didn't relate to overtly gay culture. And this is precisely what occurs today.
There are so many masculine guys that stay in the closet because they don't really have role models or feel like there's a group of openly gay guys with whom they relate. People immediately assume if you're gay you love clubs, drag shows, fashion, etc. and it is incredibly demoralizing when you genuinely have no interest in those things.
Gay pride parades and events offer little representation for these guys. Or maybe they're simply reserved. In either case, it's perfectly okay. We should embrace all types of people: straight acting, flaming, fat, fem, in drag, in leather, in love, single, rich, poor, white, black, and everything in between.
JOE.. I knew many years ago that Gays were going to become the new "Ni**ERS" not in a bad way, what I'm saying is that this country isn't happy unless they are hating, and I mean truly hating and putting someone down for being true themselves... color, money, etc.
I am a very straigt looking Gay woman, and I get treated worst in Gay clubs than I do in straight ones. I love being a women, and looking like one, I just like them over men. And may I mention, i'm damn good looking, intelligent, and a business owner... so I don't know what is going wrong with the gay community but it seems like they are turning on themselves, and that's sad. I love people and judge NO ONE... but maybe I need a butch look to get attention from the girls, huh?
bitch you iz dead wrong for sayin no fem or drags please if it wasnt for us it wouldnt b tha shitt..i hope yo ass aint fat bitch cause you look a hot azz mess gag..............fa real
THE PEOPLE WHO HATE GAYS THEY ARE HIDDEN GAYS FOR SURE. i DON'T HATE THEM!
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ARE YOU HOMOS LIVING IN SOME SELF-MADE FAIRYLAND!!!
I've been around and GAY since Stonewall and I've seen how selfish and idiotic, not to mention shallow that the so-called "Gay Community" has turned itself into.
Most of you fucked up bitches rant about anything that upsets your little world, the world you "claim" is supposed to be respected by others. It's a known fact, and books have been written about the way homos have torn each other apart, yet most of you want to be respected by the straights... Indeed Heteros have their own issues, but professing to want equality while not showing a fucking bit that gays are worth being respected is just delusional. GET REAL!... I'm gay, yes, but as said by my peers, "I don't want to be part of that goofy lot, they're showing the world how stupid they are".
I'm happy, content, own my own home, run my own business, and above all, I'm well RESPECTED by my gay AND straight friends!... I don't need to strut though town when I've already paved my own path by being ME and loving every minute that's passed since I woke up from my Queer as Folk lifestyle and joined humanity.
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