File this story: Things that really piss me off.
A piece in The New Yorker this week relates the story of a gay couple who caused a recent furor for public displays of affection on an American Airlines flight from Paris to New York.
One of the guys was dozing off and was resting his head on his partner's shoulder. They also had exchanged an on-flight kiss at some point.
After a flight attendent asked them to "stop touching each other," the guys started asking for name, rank and serial number of the airline staff who were harrassing them.
The situation escalated to the purser and even to the captain, both of whom threatened to, get this, divert the plane (to where? Fire Island?) if the men didn't fall into line:
Half an hour later, the purser returned, this time saying that some passengers had complained about Tsikhiseli and Varnier’s behavior earlier. The men asked more questions. Who had complained? (She couldn’t say.) Could they have the stewardess’s name, or employee number? (No.) Would the purser arrange for an American Airlines representative to meet them upon landing at J.F.K.? (Not possible.) Finally, the purser said that if they didn’t drop the matter the flight would be diverted. After that, Leisner said, “everyone shut up for a while.”
Maybe an hour later, the purser approached Tsikhiseli and said that the captain wanted to talk to him. Tsikhiseli went up to the galley and gave the captain his business card. The captain told Tsikhiseli that if they didn’t stop arguing with the crew he would indeed divert the plane. “I want you to go back to your seat and behave the rest of the flight, and we’ll see you in New York,” he said. Tsikhiseli returned to coach.
There are several reasons why this story is disturbing. The first is that it's a reminder that gays are still, in so many ways, every day, second-class citizens. 'Will and Grace' and Ellen and Rosie and Lance Bass and all the others aside, there is a homophobic force in straight society that doesn't want to see gay people as we really are -- meaning, just like them: people who kiss their loved ones and hold each other's hands. Straight people get to do that without a thought in the world as to who's watching.
Unfortunately, gay men and lesbians often do have to think about who's watching. And that's the second and more personal reason this story got my heart beating fast as I read down the page. It forced me to confront the internalized homophobia that I allow to enter my own thoughts each time I go to kiss my husband in public or hold his hand.
Yes, I am often affectionate with him in public, but I also stop myself from doing it more times than I care to admit. Why? Personal safety, I like to tell myself, but if I really examine it, there's a piece of me that's uncomfortable in that situation because I know holding hands walking down the street, or planting a lip-lock on my husband in public, isn't socially acceptable -- even though straight people do it all the time. So I hold back.
That's not an easy thing to admit, seeing as how I'm supposed to be the Gayest Editor Ever, a professional homosexual since 1992, a gay urbanite, an activist, a guy who came out when he was 16, knew he was gay when he was in grade school. A guy who's been happily married to a great man for 18 years. A guy who prides himself on being "out to everyone." But it's true.
If there's a lesson in the story about American Airlines Flight 45, it's that we do have the right to be who we are, every day, in every way -- and we need to be, even if we have to fight for it.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go kiss my husband. In public.
17 comments:
I think the two guys on the plane were being smartasses, like the editor of the story and his partner.
Please come to our neighborhood (or home) and feel free to kiss your husband any time.
As someone living in Seattle, the gayest town in the Northwest, I believe, I am always taken aback when I realize how gay people have to tone it down to avoid being treated like second-class citizens. Or terrorists.
The problem with the airplane situation is that I believe the captain has fairly remarkable powers in the air, just like a captain at sea. They can act arbitrarily and as long as it doesn't jeopardize passenger safety, they will not be called to task. They can sued in a civil action, but I think even that's tough to get through the courts.
So you have flight attendants who either have their own opinions or are representing someone else's, and they tell the pilot that passengers are not responding to requests.
This is, of course, why equal protection under the law for everyone regardless of (fill in the blank) is necessary. Because then the defense in that case is, "You must ask all passengers to refrain from touching each other or you're violating federal law against discrimination."
Also, I expect American Airlines will see a drop in gay passengers based on this report.
I think there is probably more to this story than what is told. I'm sure that the two gay men were not the perfect angels as it sounds to be. I've flown before and rested my head on my partners shoulder and i've also given a small kiss. I believe more was probably done and said.
You've touched a hot point here, dearestgayestever. Even though Carlos & I can walk anywhere hand-in-hand or be openly affectionate in DC, with no hassle whatsoever; even though we can and do participate as a couple in work-related social events; it's all still perceived as a political statement.
Don't believe it? Look at that "smartass" comment above this one.
Any straight couple could slobber all over each other without a thought.
We know it, we feel it. It's disturbing. It affects us daily, even though we put it away.
But we have to keep on keeping on! The kids just a few years younger than we are (gay AND straight) seem to be far more evolved in this regard. I'm optimistic.
This is completely disturbing. To know that gay individuals believe that straight people have a problem with them making out. The problem is that there is a time and place for for everything. And on a plane in front of children. This is completely
disturbing. I am straight and do not make out in front of my children. Just a peck is acceptable. But unfortunately I feel some gay and straight people take it to the next level trying to convince children that they need to be gay or straight. I have gay friends and straight friends and I do not care what their choices in life are but not in front of my kids. I am sure that this is the problem people have with this issue. Not because your gay but you need to advertise it. Just like the gay parade/games. It should not be worded the GAY Parade.
That is very disturbing...
I can't believe that an airline would take it as far as they did. I'm 16 and I discovered I was my freshman year and I will agree that it is hard to display affection publicly when society is so completely homophobic. I mean, just last this week, I kissed my girlfriend in front of my classroom and was I walked in, I heard some wierd comments from people. " Oh My God they kissed! Thats disgusting!" or " Eww, Stupid F**king Homo's!" It upsets me in a way, even though I continue to kiss her without second thought.
We are people, we kiss just like straight couples, we hold hands, we expierience love with them, but it's so taboo that its like...we are not allowed.
I think the world has more important things to worry about then who everyones dating...
~ Kitty
Very irritated by the treatment they received! Not one person would have thought a thing of 2 men or 2 women exchanging a hug or a kiss if it had been done in a "oh I havent seen you in years" scenerio. But its NOT OKAY for partners to exchange a quick kiss?! Good Lord! Get over it! Extreme "PDA" is out of place any where except in private circles. But I hardly think a reassuring comforting peck on the lips qualifies as such.
Fly the friendly skies...yeah right!
Gee thats too bad. I blogged my opinion about this personally.
Heck if you can't deal with derogatory comments in AOL chat room when you mention you're gay things haven't really changed to much.
ok Mr. Gayest editor ever - that was indeed the GAYEST blog ever. there is a reason that homosexuals are "2nd class" its because its wrong, against human nature, its a disgrace to our race and a big dirt spot on americas perfect society. Now if you and your partner want 2 go off and make oh-so-sweet love in your own peersonal living space go ahead and do it just don't tell the freaking world about it ok? We don't care if gays are 2nd class to everyone else they shoud be 3rd class. Its against every single religion I dont care if your catholic, presbiterian, or muslim, its just wrong.
hi i am 5"2 brown hair i weigh 130 i have a nice tan i am looking for someone have a good time TEE '
tho i understand why they didn't, i wish they HAD continued to make out and HAD diverted the damn flight!
imagine: F-16 fighters chasing a commercial flight, a national alert, and the entire homeland security system kicking in to protect the skies from TWO AFFECTIONATE HOMOSEXUALS!
then this absurd incident would have gotten the front page treatment it deserves.
too bad american airlines is not adressing the real security concerns that they should; like AFFECTIONATE HOMOSEXUALS WITH LIQUID CONTAINERS IN THIER CARRY-ON BAGS!!!!!!
I'm very upset by this situation. If I ever witness an act of prejudice and/or homophobia such as this, I'm going to step in and tell them to back the heck off them because we're all people and we all deserve to show affection to our loved ones, without having to do so in an unecessarily private location, or worrying about someone getting angry.
I'm just as upset about people who don't understand homosexuality and declare that it's wrong in everyone's eyes, when they themselves have no way of proving this. I personally don't believe in labels such as "gays", "straights", "blacks", "whites", or anything that someone would stick on you to "define" your entire self. Just because you happen to like someone of the same sex, or you look different, or you're from another part of the world, doesn't permanentally glue a bad persona on you.
So to you who do not understand- specifically those who don't understand, then make derogatory remarks because you think you understand - STFU.
-RAmen.
Walnut
I am a frequent traveler, usually American Airlines. I would urge that all Gay, Lesbian and Bi individual human beings boycott AA. Until an apology is issued, and a written policy prohibiting behavior like the crew of this flight did. Its freakin disgusting and unacceptable bullshit from more breeders. Screw them, let them die a horribly painful death.
erikjames9911
I concur with the previous poster. If there's ever a time for GLAAD or whoever to take a stand and make an example of American Airlines, it's now...I'm personally done with AA
Given the prevalence of gay flight attendants in the industry, I have a very hard time believing the purser was calling them out simply for minor displays of affection. I strongly suspect there were other issues involved, perhaps more blantant and inappropriate gestures than they admitted to.
Hetrosexuality is the norm for (5% of the population. Homosexuality if not and the species would have been extinct if it were the other way around. Gays are treated differently than straights? Dame right, they are different. Treating them the same is irrational
i go to school at western carolina university which are in a valley in the mountains of NC... and until this past weekend...my boyfriend and i had had no type of negative feedback. this past weekend i had a friend who knew me and apparently did not think i was gay follow me and my gay frat brothers to a dorm cursing at us and saying the same ole crap. i was born and raised in brooklyn nyc so i did not take kindly to this...being that i was outnumbered i called the police and that was quickly solved...
the REAL story is the next night we went out in asheville to a gay club after a fraternity (Delta Lambda Phi) event and was leaving at like 3 in the morning when a police officer harrassed us saying that we had mad a remark to him when in fact we had just left the club and was walking while he drove past us... he waited at the entrance of the parking lot to ask us very rudely "do you guys have something to say to me"...and it was the same group of us who were yet again put in this situation....
there IS a change...but it's happening REALLY slowly...
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