'Project Runway'
EZ-Camp Translator
What's
fun about 'Project Runway' is that a) it's the gayest show ever, and b) it's super
easy to replace its dialogue with quotes from the movie 'Mommie
Dearest' without changing the meaning of anything that happened on the show
whatsoever.
Kayne:
"I saw some pattern-making books in Keith's room."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "TINA. Bring me the
axe."
Robert:
"How could you think that having a pattern book was acceptable in your
room?"
Mommie Dearest
Translation: "You think your life's a mystery? There isn't a dirty
cover up in this entire business that I don't know about, and YOUR hand is in
EVERY ONE of them... you REEK OF IT!"
Tim
Gunn: "We have very clear and concise rules. One of the absolute
no-no's is no fashion how-to books. None of any kind."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "Don't F**K with me,
fellas. This ain't my first time at the rodeo."
Tim:
"Keith left the production and used the Internet, also both not
allowed."
Mommie Dearest
Translation: "Is this an institution of learning or a teenage
brothel?"
Tim:
"These books make me SICK."
Mommie Dearest
Translation: "How could this happen, how could you humiliate me
this way? I am ashamed to be your mother!"
Laura:
"Keith ... What an a**hole. I'm glad to see him gone."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "You were very, very
bad to wake Mommie up like that. VERY naughty. I told you, Mommie has to be
beautiful today ... Today is so important. You are thoughtless andselfish. You
must learn to think about other people."
Keith:
"I never used those books to give myself an unfair advantage."
Mommie Dearest Translation: DAMN YOU! Are you
CRAZY? No person talks to me like that, NO ONE ANYWHERE! Are you crazy? ARE YOU?
Tell me! TELL ME! ... Why must EVERYTHING be a CONTEST? ... Then I'm not gonna
play with you anymore. EVER."
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7 comments:
i seriously almost had a heart attack at the end of the show last night, because i thought there was a chance robert would get kicked off. we don't want that. barbie boi is my favorite! :)
PS: Is it me, or does Kayne bear a striking resemblance above to Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford. I'm just saying ...
Kenneth, Editor
Ha ! Pretty Funny.
NJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife
Oh come on now, PR hasn't been gay since Austin was sent packing and into the arms of Amsale. Pity.
One correction:
Tim: "Keith left the production, and used the internet, also both not allowed."
Mommie Dearest Translation: "No metal hangers, EVER!"
Your daring parralellism brings me to tears ( of laughter)(I think it was laughter) or maybe it was just the memories of Joan Crawford. She was so inspiring. Ever since seeing that movie as a child I have called my own mother Mommy Dearest, much to her dissatisfaction. But actually you touch on a deep philosophical point, perhaps as gay men, all of us, and I mean ALL OF US, even the most unlikely, draw part of our inspiration, a bit of our being, from those glorious women - those towering icons of homosexual fixation - that have shaped not only American cinematic history, but every gay man's self image. Or maybe I'm just being really sarcastic because it's late at night and I have nothing better to do. Still, I really liked what you wrote. Good job.
Does Tim Gunn have to be the quintessential lisping effeminate "faggot"? C'mon, carry on, but don't carry on! And to make it worse he's a Valley Girl on top of it all... I love the show, I am gay so not homophobic, just can't take it!
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